dancergurl05

My feet hurt. I've been cleaning since 9 this morning and it is now 3:45!! I'm ALMOST done! haha. Since my house is like HUGE and we have wood floors it takes forever...i swept, dustmopped, scrubbed, and polished the floors. I dusted like everything and polished, i vacumed the rugs, i cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the computer/spare room, wiped down all the baseboards, cleaned the kitchen...gahhhhh! haha..but screw my room. i don't like cleaning that lol. It's so messy right now:p It gives it character....uh..yeah...that's it...=D lol.

I also woke up early and went for a 20 min. run this morning.I didn't stop and walk at all either! go me! woohoo lol. So yeah, I'm pooped. lol i ate today though. Which is really stupid to do the day before Thanksgiving ahhhh. I dunno why i did. I like wasn't even hungry..once again i felt bad for letting my dad eat by himself...well anywho i hope everyone else is doing magnigicent! *muah* <333

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: christmas music lol:)

I think I'm gonna start updating this more often...

I really feel like I have no one to talk to right now and I can't stand it:( I need to hear someone that cares. :( I've been doing a lot worse lately with my ed and it's kind of scaring me. I found out that one of my best friends was lying to me and has been doing drugs for months now. That kils me.. not only the fact that this sweet little girl is harming herself and getting into trouble, but also that she lied to me:(...I thought we were closer than that.

Also, my main "online friend" like hates me now. I tried telling her how I felt and why I was upset because I usually go to her with that stuff. And I dunno, she didn't get it and said some things that really irritated me. I though she would understand my feelings because she, herself, is upset about her best friend being back on drugs............same thing?? I don't know...whatever.

I just feel really alone right now.:( There's a lot of stuff going on with me that honestly kind of sares me and I don't know quite what to do. I'm a failure as a friend. I let my best friend make the wrong desicions. She gets in trouble every day at school, fights with her mom (almost got sent away), drinks and does drugs, gives older (like 26 yr olds) guys head and has sex with other ppl....I could have stopped it. I let her down:(. And someone who doesn't even know me(Ashley) in person is mad at me...I don't really know what for either. For caring about her??? Calling her a "druggie"?? Um yeah, never said that. I always told her how much it hurts to see her doing that because I love her so much and want her to be happy and healthy. Just like I always wanted her to go into recovery...i dunno.

I'm done.

Bye.

Current Mood: sad

*11 days!!!* I cannot wait! I am so excited...hehe and only a cpl ppl know what that's about! ;) anywho...i had to work 6 hours today when i didnt think I was gonna have to work at all! how gay! so instead of working 3 days this week like i thought I would I'm workking 5! ...27 hours! that's pretty crazy considering how much other shit i have to do and stuff....yeah. But money is money! I havent talked to derek yet today! how sad! he gets out of school in like 45 mins. tho and then he'll call...yay:) I am so in love with him. *sigh* I hope all girls find a guy like him...i feel so lucky...there's no one better in the whole entire world and i know we are going to be together forever! It's so awesome :) but yeah I have to go my comp. is being dumb! <3

Tonight i hung out with Mony and Katie and it was alright at first...we were just driving around listening to music n stuff adn then we were trying to find something to do so we thought we'd go over to the apartment and sneak outside below their window and see if we could hear what they were saying...which of course is wrong but we're just curious people like that i guess haha...so at first we parked the car on the main street and were going to sneak around back but it was all scary so as we were heading abck to the car we saw headlights and a car was coming up the street pretty fast...i could have sworn it was scotty's car so we all ran behind this building but then it turned out not to be him...so we got back in the car and parked on a street closer and went straigth to the side of the building...we just heard a bunch of laughing and talking at first and then I heard them talking about inviting girls over and scotty was saying that he needed a girl to come over and telling dusty that he should call someone for him and he was talking all gross saying hes gonna call a girl to give him a blow job and bring a bottle of K-y jelly or something and i heard him naming some girls and they were like all my friends and then i heard him say "why the hell is mary on my last call list" im like unmmm yeah thats cuz i called u last nite dipshit...well of course i didnt say that but yeah.. I couldn't believe the stuff taht he was saying.. guys are such pigs! I couldnt handle it it made me so mad to think that all this kid wants is sex and that's probably the only reason he went out with me! I never knew he was so perverted and such an asshole! That made me soooo upset! Then we heard someone come out the front door so we booked it to the car and took off. I was silent the whole way back to town...I sat there crying in the passenger seat but I don't think Mony and Katie noticed...well i know they knew i was upset cuz they were being pretty quiet too but i tried to hide my face as much as possible. THis hurts so bad...I can't handle it anymore...I need these next 11 days to fly by so i can see derek. I won't be happy til he comes. I know I should be happy that he is coming but I'm jut so depressed about this scotty thing,\...Its gotten to the point where I am so impatient about derek coming...I need him so much. .. I am seriously so in love with him. I know that he's the only thing that can make me happy right now. I just can't belive guys can be such assholes! Ahhh I hate them! I cant stop bawling:( but yeah...the countdown is at 11...11 days til my world is filled with happiness...good night<3

Yeah so this whole Scotty thing is making me SO mad! I cannot believe how immature he is being! So the other night when me and Katie went over there to get my blanket Dustin told me that scotty always calls me a whore and stuff just cuz i talk to guys! umm ok! That's rediculous! I have no idea why he hates me so much! So scotty came back while katie and i were there talking to dustin and he came right up behind me and i thought he was gonna hit me or soemthing but he had like the most evil look on his face ever! Then he handed dusty some money and went to his room and dusty's like yeah i think u girls better leave now. So i got my blanket and let katie go out the door first and then i slammed the door...so when we got outside i heard a bunch of yelling so i was like what the hell? I wanted to know what they were saying so I snuck to the side of the buikding and i heard beer bottles crashing and i head scott say something like "If that stupid bitch is ever here again I'm gonna beat ur ass!" or something like that. I was like omg is he fucking psycho now or what! So right there I just started bawling cuz it hurt me so bad to know that he hates me so much! Now I can't even be friends with dustin cuz he is always with scotty and has no car and im not alowd over at the apt just because my ex bf is an immature prick! Last nite I saw them at pizza hut and he was so immature...he sat there staring straight ahead with the meanest look on his face ever. THen a bunch of ppl were going over to their apt and i wanted to go too cuz im at least mature enough to handle being in the same room as him but dustins like no i dont think that would be a good idea if u came over....so i had to get dropped off early:'( how lame is that! He is ruining my social life and this is really really hurting my feelings! and to think that i broke my virginity to this asshole and he could fucking care less! I got so mad last night that i decided to call him so i could tell him how out of control this is getting but he didnt answer...but like 10 mins later he called me and hes like "you have 5 minutes before i hang up on you" so i started out saying how this is so rediculous and shit and he interupted me and started yelling at me! hes like "i dont like you, i never want to see you or hear u ever again" and just saying that he hates me and stuff like that and i could barely get one word in! Then hes like so ya know what?! *CLICK* yeah he hung up on me that goddamn asshole. I hate him so fricken much its unbelieveable! after all the time he spent trying to get me back and telling me that he loves me and always will and will never leave me no matter what and he can see us together down the road and BLAH BLAH BLHA ...how the hell can he treat me like this now?! he never fucking loved me obviously. It was all a big joke and i fucking fell for it cuz I'm stupid like that. This is making me so angry I dont even know what to do with myself. Last night i was actually shaking i had so much anger in me!! sdklfjiowejiorwjfiowejoj!!!!!!!!! I just wish derek was here. I know that he is the one for me now. If he ever hurt me like this I don't know what I would do. I love him so much and now i know whta true love really is. I thought I loved scotty but i learned the hard way...12 days til i get to finally meet in person the man of my draems!!:P Im so excited about that you have no clue!! I want to marry this kid! hes the best person in the world...right now though I am still just SO angry...